This weeks podcast we're going to discuss the difference between being problem-focused or solutions-oriented. Initially, this concept may seem daunting, but understanding it can be transformative, especially if you're looking to build a deeper connection with your daughter. This is something I've personally implemented, and it has made a big impact. It takes time to build, but it's truly powerful.

As mothers, we often get caught up in the chaos of our daily lives and find ourselves becoming problem-focused. We ruminate on an issue, and the negative emotions surrounding it take over, leading us down a spiral of negative thoughts and feelings. This can be detrimental to our emotional wellbeing and our relationships with our daughters. Instead, we should be solutions-oriented, acknowledging the problem, embracing it, and then actively seeking and finding solutions.

Let's start by discussing the energy and vibe you bring into a situation. For instance, imagine you're heading into a meeting with your boss to discuss a hot topic. If you've had a terrible morning and are feeling like a hot mess, your energy will reflect that. It will be challenging to think clearly and critically during the meeting. On the other hand, if you had a great morning and are feeling confident and empowered, your energy will reflect that as well.

This is where the difference between being problem-focused and solutions-oriented comes in. Being problem-focused means ruminating on the issue and the negative emotions surrounding it, leading to a spiral of negative thoughts and feelings. However, being solutions-oriented means acknowledging the problem, embracing it, and then actively seeking and finding solutions.

Being solutions-oriented doesn't mean ignoring problems or pretending they don't exist. It means acknowledging them and actively seeking solutions. This mindset shift can make a significant difference in your relationship with your daughter and your own life.

It's essential to teach your daughter to be solutions-oriented. She needs to learn to identify problems in her life and then actively seek solutions. This is a skill that can be learned, and it's essential for her emotional wellbeing. When she sees you being solutions-oriented, she'll learn to be the same way.

By being solutions-oriented, you can also create a safe space for your daughter. It's important to let her know that she can come to you with any problem, big or small, and that you'll help her find a solution. This can be especially crucial during her teenage years, where she is navigating a lot of complex emotions and situations.

Remember, this is a skill that takes time to develop, but it's worth it. Being solutions-oriented can help you build a deeper connection with your daughter and improve your relationship with her. It can also help you manage your own emotions and stress levels. So, the next time you're faced with a problem, take a deep breath, acknowledge it, and start actively seeking solutions.

I hope this has been helpful for you. If you have any questions or want to share your own experiences with being solutions-oriented, please don't hesitate to reach out. We're here to support you on your journey!


  • Shift focus from problem-focused to solutions-oriented
  • Work on emotional regulation and filling your own cup as a mom
  • Use curiosity and compassion to find solutions to problems with your daughter
  • Teach your daughter to identify problems and actively seek solutions
  • Help your daughter regulate her emotions by being a calming, grounding force
  • Focus on behaviors, not the person, when addressing issues with your daughter
  • Be a safe space for your daughter to come to with problems and trust that you will help her find solutions
  • Use love and compassion to shift your energy and perspective towards solutions